To be unwise

It’s very easy in this world to get lost somewhere, or to get hypnotized. Some dreams, some thoughts, some persons or some incidents like some drugs are bound to make us mad or to make us to think of ourselves as near perfect or most suitable deserving the endless joy of our life. There are stimulants destined to give us a high and there are thoughts which seem to be wild games of the mind… though there is the consciousness always busy in trying to keep us awake and to differentiate reality from the constructions of the mind, sometimes it’s just ok to fall prey to enchanting creations coming out from deep inside…

diary of an intern

Life doesn’t come sometimes as it should be… hitches come or obstacles or beautiful distractions. Sometimes the path becomes so demanding that we forget where we were going. Sometimes there are illusions of dreamland, oceans of ambrosia which turn out to be mere mirages, constructions of our own minds which in reality are nothing. The heart gets broken sometimes, sometimes it bleeds… but how obstinate it is, it always loves it beats; always hopes that this journey will end somewhere, where it’ll meet the cause of its beats… where it’ll forget all of its mistakes and the pain it has received after committing each of it…

To be selfish…..

It rules the world, people say, it rules motivations actions adventures risk taking behaviors and even something as delicate as feelings of love and affection. Selfishness is the utter cause of animal behavior, books say, including that of us humans. It’s the ultimate truth, essential for survival… for combating the demanding situations, and for gaining what that is required. Male quadrupeds fight for area of food, for females; females go for strongest mate to have safe future… even single cell organisms do changes in themselves only for the sake of survival, and no one can even compare the selfish acts of animals called as humans; in Darwin’s world even deepest human relations, families can be reduced down to one or other form of commensalism.

After all we’re animals, biological things, and effects of some molecules and physical forces leading to some chains of chemical reactions or electrical or physical activations; why shall we bother to behave as selfishly as some unicellular organism swimming with its flagella or something in search of a better place of survival even without understanding the meaning of it? But we do bother, all of us, as per the capacity of structures called as brains or more broadly as per the complexity of the bodies of the organisms. Responses of a more evolved multicellular organism to a stimulus are different than those of a unicellular, biologically backward animal. I’m not sure about the plants, fungi or animals with extremely primitive nervous tissue development; but in humans and animals with developed brain there is something called as cognition… we have a picture of the outer world in what is called as ‘our mind’ and we all live in our own private worlds formed in our minds due to the trillions of experiences we get from the outer world. We all are gifted by the universe with our capacity of ‘feeling’ the world… and humans form the most gifted species with astonishing capacities of ‘feeling’ the feelings of others, of peeping into the mental worlds of others and even that of changing them, of seeing the future and dreaming and doing efforts to bring the dreams to life.

We’re not flagellates swimming in response to some chemokines, neither are we quadrupeds thinking nothing except food mates and then shelter… we’re humans, though we’re biological things our joys are far more wider as we’ve intelligence, and that makes us vulnerable to become most selfish species on the planet or most selfish person in the universe… but it is the only thing- ‘our intelligence’ which awards us the ability of being completely altruistic doing the acts of helping others and caring others without any direct benefit to us. We might have inherited selfishness from our selfish brainless ancestors, but altruism is a product of evolution, I think. And for us it’s as true as selfishness, and for some of us it’s even truer than selfishness, and those ‘some’ are legends, responsible for the survival and evolution of humankind. We would have been extinct by now, if altruistic people were not there to save the world from destructive acts of selfishness…

I think we must honor this gift of evolution to us, we must allow at least a bit of altruism to survive in us… then and only then we’ll be able to build a world full of altruistic people, and that world will be filled with true love, affection, with a guarantee of being cared and without any fear, without any stress, that is that will be like what we call today as ‘heaven’.

the reason to draw something

I really wonder what exactly arts is…? What’s the purpose of creating something strange, really strange that has no survival value? Or maybe it has… we don’t know it yet! It’s like some potent addicting drug acting directly on the brain… a stimulant, an analgesic, a hallucinogen or maybe a depressant; maybe it’s a way to escape from the harshness of boring dull uselessly competitive real life, or a door to enter our long wished dreamland or a measure of communication with our own self, a companion who never gets bored with us, an advisor suggesting solutions to problems unrelated to the topic of itself… I don’t know what’s the experience of others, but when I draw something, my drawings speak to me, that too… in silence.

searching for some time machine

Once upon a time I was immature, a curious kid
Wondering why things happen and how do they occur
Life was a miracle for me, or was a wonderful puzzle
At that time I always used to be in some hurry
As every moment of life seemed to me
Like some beautiful irreplaceable opportunity…

Once upon a time I was very romantic,
Where everything in the world had a beautiful challenge hidden in it
Every word had some secret poetic meaning
Every face I saw used to sing some wonderful tunes of music…
Where even worst things had some goodness attached to them
And every failure was nothing but a chance to learn some lesson from it

Maturity comes at its own price, and some experiences are potent enough
To wash away the sense of being alive from life…
Too much of adversity ruins the life,
Where every step is a danger, nothing appears romantic…
Life seems unruly, a collection of unexplainable bizarre happenings
Or it seems like some long dull journey, without any destination for it……

Now I find myself struggling with my own mind,
Or attempting to get out of the inertia caused by some unknown thing
Or lost in search of some miracle or some time machine
Which will take me back to my youthful state of my mind…
There I’ll relearn to wonder,
And to look at life like some secret miraculous power…….

to be a patient

It’s hard to be a good patient. “Strength is important, so is health and hence the rest,” I say to patients, some of whom are workers working for daily wages hence can’t tolerate or afford the ‘rest from work’… some of them still co operate, some get admitted and take complete bed rest, some have to go for ICU, and they do go there… I’m a medical student, an intern, and at least two three beds in ICU here are always reserved for people like me, and I don’t require to be in a critical health condition to get admitted in the ICU.

… But what happens when I myself get ill is contradictory to the situation; I’m the most unruly of the patients I’ve ever met. I take medications whenever I feel need of them (especially the pain killers- even though I know that THEY ARE NOT GOOD FOR HEALTH), then totally forget about them (something like the antibiotics or the vitamins). I like to stay away from other doctors (I don’t trust them), I never consult seniors about my own health, and I never take what it’s called as rest. One day absence from work for me accounts for one day extension of my internship; and I want to reach my destination as soon as possible…

I keep on working, doing job of an intern physician even though my capacities are seriously impaired, even though I’ve to struggle with my lower cognition levels and headache due to fever for doing tasks like measuring the blood pressure or inserting branulas or taking blood samples or taking the patients to the CT scanners… or even taking histories and advising treatments (that includes rest)… but doing tasks requiring still more cognition like reading understanding, working at night without sleeping becomes just impossible, I find myself sleeping miserably when I want to write or to do something meaningful for my goal of life. Still no one understands and even imagines that I might be suffering from something called as deranged health condition. And I get bombarded by duties of patients one after another.

Am I a bad doctor? I don’t think so, I never do injustice to patients… and I try my best to protect my health from being deranged, never even taste bad foods never go for addicting chemicals and try to give time for my body for doing exercise; maybe that’s the reason I’m able to work in conditions compelling others to lay helplessly in bed. But to do tasks those I love, I need to be healthier………….. but it’s hard to be a good patient!

being a human

Life is like some journey from birth to death, some people are lucky to choose what type of journey they want… they may take it like some entertaining trip or an adventurous tour or like some mission to discover something or to help someone, or like some routine dull rush of everyday life where more than the journey something else is important! But there are some people for whom life is nothing other than an everyday struggle to survive… when their existence is in question, creativity is a far away thing… they never get a chance to get their neocortex used and developed. They too have a journey of life like us, but it’s restricted, instead of enjoying and learning from new experiences they’ve to turn their back to them and to ignore them to conserve their energy only to have their life sustained till death arrives. They get tired while attempting to fulfill their basic needs to the extent that they don’t even think of having big goals and planning to achieve them…

We don’t wake up worrying about what to eat and where to sleep; instead our worries are totally different. We’re among the lucky ones, who’ve got education and some safety… we’ve got a chance of using our parts of brains those are exclusive to humans; we can exploit being a human, and we have to, I feel. And instead of turning ourselves into some highly paid robot, we’ve to preserve our humanness and have to try to give the world something as a thanksgiving for this rare chance it gave to us of being and living like a human, and have to work to make this world a better place so that each and every human will get a chance to live like a human…