Abstract… whirlpools of odd thoughts

Our minds are bizarre beings… they make us to sense art in some useless drawings and compel us to search meaning in some weird poetic lines. We find rhythm in some strange voice, and tend to fondle part of our mind beating in any other mind. Life comes as a series of riddles, and we name them as incidents transforming our lives… But it is this strangeness of mind that makes us capable of being called as alive.

diary of an intern

I don’t know when people are going to stop taking everything for granted… and why they do it. I work in NICU these days, its intensive care unit for neonates, and babies arrive there whose uneventful birth and maturation had been taken for granted by their parents. The mothers are nearly always teenagers (many are below eighteen, but their age on our papers is almost always twenty or above… no proof of age is required to have a baby in a hospital), uneducated or half educated… who doesn’t know that it’s necessary to take some active care to have a healthy baby and it’s not a kid’s play to have a baby. They are accompanied by their mothers or mother in laws, sometimes father, brother… husbands arrive only rarely, mostly they come to collect the body if the baby dies in NICU. Low birth weight babies are so common here, so are babies with severe anemia. Sometimes the mother gets PIH, the baby is hypoxic due to delay in birth, and sometimes suffering from IUGR… sometime’s it’s struggling with some infection since in utero. They never come to know this before the birth, because they never attend ante natal clinic. Then after noticing some abnormality, or if some local doctor refers, they rush the baby to NICU in nearly lethal condition…

They marry because they think it’s necessary to get married as everyone does it, and then they get pregnant because everyone has kids after marriage… and they think it’s obvious that the baby will be normal. They don’t know the concept of spacing between the kids. Many know about tubectomy as a method of contraception but according to them, it must not be done till you have a son. To improve their condition, we need to give them health related education and education in general… but what about those who are highly educated?

People don’t really know why they’re doing whatever they’re doing. The most common cause of doing anything is because everyone does it… and there is general tendency of taking everything for granted.

Prepare for the entrance and get the admission and then you’ll become happy, get a post graduation then you’ll become happy… get a highly paid job then you’ll get happy… get some promotion, then get married, then have some kids… then earn more money collect properties, earn some fame… then you’ll become happy… they keep on doing one thing after another and take their own happiness for granted which rarely arrives in their life. And when they get old, they expect the next generation to do the same things… doing what ‘everyone’ is doing, chasing the happiness without knowing exactly where it is!

I get shocked to see my friends who are MA, MSc, MBBS, and PhD crying before me because their ‘to be’ husbands are demanding too much dowry. Then I see my pregnant professor friend praying the god and following some quack regimes to have a son… and mother of my doctor friend, a lawyer’s wife undergoing one abortion after another after diagnosing the sex of baby as female before birth of the baby- till she attends menopause, only because everyone has at least one son and she hadn’t!

Where are we? What is the role of education if everyone is behaving like an illiterate person, and doesn’t know what in actual they want from their life? Does education means only a way to get highly paid job and nothing more? When are we going to stop taking everything for granted? Is it really necessary to do something only because others are doing it…? Or is my brain extremely eccentric to think that we can have happiness in doing things what ‘others’ call as ‘strange’?

Abstract… it doesn’t require words

Life is like a wave of some ocean; sometimes it’s a tsunami, and sometimes a tiny ripple… but it’s not ever lasting and is never constant. All it’s a dance of driving forces- our wishes, our desires, our passions and our needs… sometimes they back up each other, sometimes contradict… and we keep on craving for that summit while struggling to meet the needs to survive. And a tsunami occurs when we throw ourselves into our heavenly dreams and just forget to stay alive.

to prove myself......... to machines!!!!

I wish I should have been born thousands of years ago; I would have ignited first fire or would have sown the agriculture’s first seed.… I would have written books on anatomy or would have lived my passion of finding new things to make health better, without getting trapped into today’s tasteless education system. I would have felt proud in being called as a ‘mad’ scientist. But today mad people don’t become scientists. I live in an era of robots… and madness is a contra indication of what they call success. I live in an era where passion has become just a sexual thing… people don’t and even can’t imagine having it in other areas of life. They work because they have to work to survive, to earn money, to get reputation, to get recognition, to win a competition to get prizes or to get admissions to get a chance to do a more ‘reputable’ work. There is no value or ‘reputation’ to creativity, initiative is a useless thing, there’s so much pressure of proving yourself before other machines that you forget what your inner drive is. Questions are not those which arise in mind after understanding but they are those which appear in exams or interviews… and answers are not those which consume your lifetime but are those which are already given in textbooks. Schools are nothing better than factories of robots who grow up to fight amongst themselves to master strategies of scoring in exams for getting work positions those are completely constructed for robots. And robots are hardwired things programmed for success with unchangeable programming; they don’t possess weakening human feelings, they don’t dream leave apart falling in love with some dream, they can’t understand the delicacy of loving, scarifying, doing something that isn’t related to ‘succeeding’ or achieving things associated with success. In the world of robots, people learn to mutate themselves into robots thinking that it’ll be a reversible change and they’ll become humans once they’ve achieved a ‘safe position’ in life… but the ‘safe position’ never arrives, and they continue to be robots for their lifetime.

For me, being a robot is worse than living the worst nightmare of my life… and I wonder whether there are little suppressed humans still alive in their robotic minds? I have no chance of finding this out, and I’m too small to help those little humans even if they are there to grow up and to express themselves. Meanwhile, I have to prove myself before other machines so that I can survive… that too without forgetting my inner drive. It’s a hard thing to do… what to do, I’ve been born at a wrong time in a wrong era! Alas, I should have been born thousands of years ago………….

Heart of a mother………..

The most mysterious thing in the world is love, I feel as it makes us ready to give up many things just for nothing. It’s a surprising thing, how a mother loves a baby and why when the baby has nothing that can help her in her life. She never demands the child to take care of her in return, or never gets angry in real if the child fails to understand her and even to respect her… but it hurts her if the kid fails to assure her of his or her pleasure. She wants the baby to grow up independent of her, she wants her or him to be successful happy healthy and fulfilled in every aspect of life. She tolerates many things, sacrifices her everything only to make the child an independent satisfied person, and demands nothing in exchange except a sense of assurance that the child is safe happy and is leading a productive meaningful life. If the situation demands, she can give up the warm hugs, can give up the relaxing baby’s touch; she can give up the sense of importance the baby gives to her… but she can’t give up the need of baby’s safety and her need of constant assurance that the baby will continue to be safe and is having and will have a good life.

She doesn’t crave for the presence of the baby in her life (though it’s joyous to have it), but it’s the progress and pleasure of the baby she really craves for. But if the baby suddenly disappears from her life, she can’t stop missing her or him…… I miss you Raani, and I worry for you; just tell me where you are and how.