Monday, January 20, 2014

to see beyond the perceived mind

Not firm, but not absent either
Though vague, it was always there
The passion, the drive
My purpose of being alive…

Had it since I don’t remember
Acting as a friend, my best ally
Holding my hand, giving shelter
Guiding me through difficult times

I never knew though its location
Didn't know my energy source
Got lost several times… in trying to find
Something that was always mine

The situations, the circumstances
Rules, regulations, results of sick fate
Lost people, numb and blind
Amongst all these, where was I?

I too was one of them, comatose, not awake
Drowned in ocean of my pains, hopeless,
Miserably waiting for some help
Studded with frustration, waiting for a change

As I had made the mistake
Thinking my core, all this could shake
Had got lost in battles and wounds
Thinking they've destroyed my soul

It turns out, I never knew it
Core of my heart isn't a weak thing
Leave apart tiny stabs and burns
Even missiles can’t breach its verve

It isn't numb, a sensitive feeling
Even a tiny change, won’t go unnoticed
Leave apart roses and daisies
Even grass flowers are capable of arousing it

Maybe it’s a rose itself
Oozing fragrance, no matter the circumstances
Or a fire, inextinguishable
Immune to highs and lows of life…

Is it that we come in layers
And what we see are just covers
Thick, tender, painful with ugly patches
Only to cloak the spring inside?

Pain anxiety stress anger or fear
Lessons of life, of those painful years
Memories of being cheated or of left alone…
Are too feeble to alter the weather

Clouds may come, so do typhoons
Vision gets hampered, we think life’s blurred
The dust just falls from outside,
Has nothing to do with the core inside

Don’t know what opened my eyes
To let me to see beyond the perceived mind
Flooding radiating flowing or oozing
There’s nothing else but pure joy…

Monday, January 13, 2014

sorry dear restrictions, you can’t last

Nope… I can’t hold on; sorry dear restrictions, you can’t last.
Through years I had gathered you,
Spending my tears, and unfulfilled expectations
Shocks, cheatings and mediocrities…

It’s not that now I’m in heaven,
It’s not that I’ve won some big shot
The world is as it was before
Why shall I listen to my foolish heart…?

I don’t feel like queen of the world
It’s just me… but glad
It’s as if I stepped into some time machine
And I’m a curious happy child

The wounds, open and unhealed,
Marks by failures, and battle scars
They’re still here, but silent and numb
How are you fellows, have you lost your life?

The negativity, the pains
Doubts suspicions and useless efforts
Gifts by torture, and shocking past
I’m afraid… dear companions, we’re getting apart

Had thought of you as partners of life,
Binding me with shackles stronger than my mind
What happened, where is the bitterness?
Has your poison lost its taste?

What is it… some strange flower
Bathing my mind in sweet fragrance
Or is it some sort of blast
Giving energy to keep on?

I did nothing, it just happened
Decisions, actions and even beliefs
Beautiful, mediocre or even ugly ones
I know nothing is in our hand

I’m not immature to take pride
Still humble but thankful… don’t know why
Instead of weeping or being serious
What is it that’s making me to smile…?

It’s something… ah, I can’t define
Vague to the extreme, can’t see its form
Powerful, I can’t resist
Still trying to find what it is…

Searching for the reason, the cause the agent
Maybe it’s some feeble ray of hope
But it’s glittering with some strange light
Alas, can’t see a thing beyond the joy…

Wisdom surely has its place
Consciousness is surely not useless
Experiences are meant to teach
Every dream can’t be the truth…

Or maybe it’s an afterthought
Consciousness may just be a part
Incomplete, and insufficient
To understand the activities in mind’s heart

Getting tired in trying to interpret it
Whatever it is… I just can’t stop it
Can’t guess, can’t understand
Can’t decide, can’t even hold on

Here I give up, accept my defeat
Oh strange feeling, I lose you win…
Surrendering my wisdom and pains of ages
I live as I always have… but with a feeling of being alive

I’m alive, yes I am
The dull dead end seems to be gone
What is it making me so popular…,
Plenty of actions waiting to be carried out?

No serenity, no peace
The restlessness strikes again
I must do something
Here… I start feeling again

It’s as if the coma has ended,
So have the darkness, deafness and loneliness
I breathe and feel like breathing…
From where I got back my senses..?

I know it may not last
Joy can be followed by a depression attack
No brain… you’ve lost the charge
Now give up your skepticism and follow my heart

Friday, January 3, 2014

to allow the heart to take over the brain

Don’t know whether my eyes ore open or are closed
There’s darkness; can’t see a ray of hope
Once acting as an energy source
Why I find myself now searching for some sun

Maybe this place is empty with nothing around
Can’t even hear voice of my own
The loneliness so thick that even memories can’t penetrate
And so prolonged that I don’t know how it is to be accompanied

It’s not that my path is untaken in the whole world
But it is strange for those who were in my world
My world was big initially, endless, having no boundaries
Now the boundaries are so thick that the world outside is foreign

It’s not that I was ignorant to the reality
But I did have a vision to see beyond it
Till I found that the vision was illusive
And the world being one is a crazy misunderstanding

Everything matters, your origin and your status
Soul is less important than your appearance
Decision making is a big joke
Life is nothing, just integration of chance events

Knowledge is supposed to make life better
Then why knowing the facts let the heart to shatter
Maybe the heart is old fashioned
Embracing the ideas no longer real

There is passion, there is zeal
There are cravings and even dreams
Foolish, enraged and thoughtless
The heart is ready to flood the world with tsunami of efforts

The boundaries won’t last its force
The world will become huge again and will be one
There won’t be loneliness and depression
“We” being a preferred term to “I” in that lawless world of love

But I’m confused, still holding my breaks
How wise is it to allow the heart to take over the brain?