Friday, November 27, 2009

Magic stick

Here’s why I do this…
I dream the whole world; I wander in my dreamland- in happy future sometimes on developed Earth, sometimes in spaceships and sometimes far away from Earth, while sitting here in my small hostel room with the doors closed and bolted from inside. Sometimes the window is also closed; when it gets closed by the wind, I don’t take trouble to open it. This isn’t absolute isolation, some voices are audible, the shouts of ruthless big vehicles and the loud sounds from the pageants on the backside road are always there. Also there are human voices like laughter and chats of girls from my hostel, but all are at a distance… outside my room, outside my heart. And my heart tries to console itself; tries to get engaged in some entertainment like watching movies on my computer. But fails… Alas! I can’t get solace in it, instead I get disturbed. The voices, the window, and the movies they all provoke me; they try to challenge my loneliness but never succeed. This loneliness is not enforced, it is chosen one. I’ve chosen loneliness to meet the needs of my heart. What kind of heart it is that it needs to be lonely?

I’m not one of those alone souls who have no one to understand. I have a supporting family. My parents love me and my younger brother approaches an ideal young sibling. I have friends who always alert me and there are some who say, “Well, it’s great what you’re doing. But I’ll never do that!” When in home I get every luxury that I can dream of; I get everyone to talk with me, and I spend hours in chatting and speaking and getting understood. But… but this isn’t what my heart wants. After sometime it starts poking me and I get disturbed! My behavior becomes strange and I start weeping or shouting on someone or I cry causelessly. Even if my mother has coked my favorite dish from bottom of her heart, the food becomes tasteless to me and those chats become mindless. I trouble my family; hurt their emotions and leave home to come back here. I need solace. I need peace for my heart!

I want to do something… something that matters… something that makes the world after me somewhat different from the world before. I want to add in the difference positively.7 Healing

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