A Causality of humanity

How nice it would have been if I were a robot….! I would have done my duty as per the order and would be satisfied… but robots don’t feel anything, so I wouldn’t be satisfied. But at least I wouldn’t be dissatisfied like what I feel; at least I wouldn’t feel incapable, sad or lacking something or like living in a nightmare…

But I do live in a nightmare… I’m in Causality department of my hospital, and it’s not less than a nightmare. I’m not new to the wounds, the fatal accidents, deadly dehydrations, bleeding, burns, bites, poisoning cases… but here I see the medico legal side of these things… and it’s as horrid as the fatalities themselves. Though my job is to try to keep the victims alive, I do hear the conversations of accompanying people, the police, the medical officers and the victims if they are in a state of talking.

I hear a drunkard father with a stab wound on his arm he says caused by his own son expensing all his money as military pension on prostitutes and drinks and gambling, and speaking of throwing his wife and son out of their house… and filing a case against them, and the son saying that the wound is caused by that man himself…

I hear different stories about a young woman drinking linden from her different relatives, and I hear people misleading police about the burns caused to a middle aged woman.

I see brothers with broken bones and many injuries trying to kill each others in fighting, and filing cases against each other for attempts of killing. I try to be a machine and try to help both parties to survive…

And I do feel proud of my hands when I suture the wounds… when I insert the RTs, it almost never injures the patient… but I feel incapable that alas, I can’t suture their minds, can’t help their minds to get rid of the poison of hatred for their own kins… I can’t even understand what in the universe is making them to behave like this? How people get time to make stories when someone from their home is dying?

And I keep on working, treating one patient after another, like a machine programmed to suture, to insert the branulas, the catheters, RT tubes… and keep on feeling flaccid, paralyzed, something like a loser. I must be totally mad to dream a happy altruistic world when the reality is exactly opposite. There must be something wrong in me, so that I keep on thinking that the situation can be changed… and a violence free world can exist with every heart ejecting love with every beat it beats. Either my concept of a human being is wrong or we’re living in a world of subhuman…

I try to find a solution that’ll at least start changing the situation… then I find the chain of my thoughts broken… the branulas in causality department are damaged, they just gel folded up when attempted to be inserted in the vein, I use the scalp vein set for superficial veins as an urgent measure to reduce the dehydration… there are soooo many things those need improvement… and by now, I’m completely sure about my madness in dreaming my dream world. But alas, this can’t stop me trying for making my dream a reality.