Saturday, May 7, 2011

Can someone hear my mind........ ?

I sit here in casualty and examine the patients, both parties- the culprits and the victims… and I try to imagine the cause of their deeds, the tsunamis occurring in their minds causing such gross violence… their faces appear anything ranging from cold dead looks to look of a rabid animal, from crying moaning expressions to expressions throwing smiles like that of Batman’s joker. I can’t understand how some human being can take away the ear lobe of other by biting, or break someone’s eye, or make someone to land in coma by hitting on head.

I wish I could see this world with the eyes of these violent people. Is it threatening like some lonely midnight with giant cannibals ruling their small scared minds? Or is it disgusting with every other creature called human evoking a sense of nausea and discomfort in them? Do they lack feelings for the sufferings of others, or do they get pleased with them? Or do they have become insensitive to the pains of others due to the burden of pain their own hearts carrying? Or do they do it just as a part of routine life, and don’t understand the consequences of it? Do they feel really satisfied after doing it, do they like it, or is it mere their helplessness? Is it some effort of showing power, or of feeling secured in the hostile world created by their minds?

They’re not mad like the rabid dogs, they’re conscious enough to know the laws, to sue each other, to try to find flaws in the laws and to try to mislead others and to collect the proofs or to wipe them out. Why can’t they understand that what they are doing is bad…..?

I know a doctor is not supposed to think over all this stuff, my job is to offer health services to their bodies ignoring their ailing minds, and I must and must forget everything happening in the OPD just after getting out of it, but it never happens. I feel stopping such violence is the first thing I should do as a building block of my dream world; I take it as a purpose of my life. I want every person in this world to smile with a child’s smile coming out right from the bottoms of their mind.

Then I’ve to give up thinking as a seriously dehydrated diarrhea patient arrives there, I get out of the wound care area to attempt inserting branula to pass intravenous fluids to increase the volume and to avoid him from landing in shock… but I find cigarette smoke feeling the outside air, making the diarrhea patients to struggle for normal air. I frown and search for the source of the smoke… and what I find is that it’s not the relatives of the violent people taking treatment for their wounds, but it’s the doctor’s room before the dehydrated patient’s treatment area… and I see my colleagues, MBBS doctors, smoking mercilessly without thinking of the patients fighting with death just outside… … I get shocked, but run short of time as the patient is really dying. I close the doctor’s room’s door to leave them smoking inside and by the time I deal with the patient they escape from the room. Who’s more violent, those people damaging each other’s body parts, or these doctors enjoying their puffs without thinking about others and the laws? I think both are equal.

Where I’m living? Where are morals, where’s humanity? Are they real, or mere myths… or hallucinations created by my mind and I a schizophrenic? I think it would be better if I were a schizophrenic; at least I wouldn’t have got troubled by the happenings in the outside world to which we call as ‘real’.


  1. Hi doctor...
    I am also a doctor from India.
    I happened to see ur post in Nature Network regarding ur wish to pursue an absolute career in research with a PhD {I believe u r the one who has written it there}.
    What's ur stand now? How are u planning to work it out in the future?

  2. Hi Stem Cell,
    It’s nice to hear from a doctor. Yes, it’s me who has written that post. I do want to do PhD in Neuroscience and want to become a neuroscientist. I want to work on violence and neural circuits, and am getting attracted towards optogenetics method of studying neural circuits. Currently I’m preparing for passport and trying to go the labs where I might get access to these things. Thinking of the obstacles this sounds impossible… but I’ll keep on trying.
    I also dream of improving health service status over here once I reach my destination