to be a patient

It’s hard to be a good patient. “Strength is important, so is health and hence the rest,” I say to patients, some of whom are workers working for daily wages hence can’t tolerate or afford the ‘rest from work’… some of them still co operate, some get admitted and take complete bed rest, some have to go for ICU, and they do go there… I’m a medical student, an intern, and at least two three beds in ICU here are always reserved for people like me, and I don’t require to be in a critical health condition to get admitted in the ICU.

… But what happens when I myself get ill is contradictory to the situation; I’m the most unruly of the patients I’ve ever met. I take medications whenever I feel need of them (especially the pain killers- even though I know that THEY ARE NOT GOOD FOR HEALTH), then totally forget about them (something like the antibiotics or the vitamins). I like to stay away from other doctors (I don’t trust them), I never consult seniors about my own health, and I never take what it’s called as rest. One day absence from work for me accounts for one day extension of my internship; and I want to reach my destination as soon as possible…

I keep on working, doing job of an intern physician even though my capacities are seriously impaired, even though I’ve to struggle with my lower cognition levels and headache due to fever for doing tasks like measuring the blood pressure or inserting branulas or taking blood samples or taking the patients to the CT scanners… or even taking histories and advising treatments (that includes rest)… but doing tasks requiring still more cognition like reading understanding, working at night without sleeping becomes just impossible, I find myself sleeping miserably when I want to write or to do something meaningful for my goal of life. Still no one understands and even imagines that I might be suffering from something called as deranged health condition. And I get bombarded by duties of patients one after another.

Am I a bad doctor? I don’t think so, I never do injustice to patients… and I try my best to protect my health from being deranged, never even taste bad foods never go for addicting chemicals and try to give time for my body for doing exercise; maybe that’s the reason I’m able to work in conditions compelling others to lay helplessly in bed. But to do tasks those I love, I need to be healthier………….. but it’s hard to be a good patient!