This is where I fail

Obstetrics and gynecology- it’s the subject they chose to fail me. They think I can’t understand it, or handle a female patient as if it’s hard to understand… but definitely it’s hard to handle it. It’s just a subject, a branch of health sciences, and it is supposed to be like other branches, but it’s not… at least here.
Its books, tiny booklets… written by diploma holders are really hard to comprehend… what they imprint on mind is that females are machines of sex, they do not have other body organs connected to the sex organs, not even the brain. When I couldn’t understand a thing from the books, my friend told me that they are not meant for understanding they are there to remember and write in the exams as it is…
The diseases are troublesome, no doubt, but more troublesome are the diagnostic methods, and still more troublesome are the treatments… the last resort- hysterectomy with removal of adnexa… kill the female. Thankfully, this is mostly bookish… but reality is harder than the books.
The labor ward here reminds me of the mortuary with steel table ‘beds’ with arrangement of open gutters for the flow of blood or show… or the discharge, curtains are absent, the relatives are not allowed to come in but others are free to wander there wearing their dirty footwear, and sympathy is lacking, “remove your clothes you fool, and wear this gown, hurry up, do you want me to throw you out of the hospital,” these are the welcoming words for a patient in labor pains… sometimes the doctors start the labor deliberately in thirty eighth or ninth week by manually rupturing the membranes in the OPD… in order to decrease load on the housemen… … that’s what the reason they told me while clinical postings.
The female lies there, frightened to see the sight of other females, semi naked, screaming, sweating, and bleeding, with ‘liberal’ episiotomies done without anesthesia. Sometimes the nurse climbs up a stool and compresses the abdomen with horrible pressure… and the doctor shouts at the patient, “You careless lady, you’re killing your baby, it’s going to die in the abdomen, because of you. Push or you’re to lose your child…”
Then something happens, the doctor remembers about the towels… and starts quarreling with the staff… the staff shouts back at the doctor… they co- ordinate only on shouting at the patients. Caesarian sections are special ones with a step of inverting the uterus and like a bag and wash cleaning it, “don’t utter this in exams… this can kill the female with vagal shock,” the residents remind us while we are seeing. Why the hell you do it- no one answers.
They’re not sadistic, I’m sure… but they’re careless, machines programmed to earn. This might be better than the deliveries done at home by the dais, but it’s unbearable. There is nothing like delivery with dignity or something… it’s just like a bunch of female cattle delivering in cattle shed. I really wonder about those poor mothers who dare to deliver here, and their strength to survive this, both physically and mentally… but it’s really not for me. I can’t tolerate to see this… leave apart practicing.