Friday, March 30, 2012

seeking for a balance

"Daydreaming isn't good, even dreams during sleep shall contain something useful, meaningful and practical, like study, questions papers, answers, scoring in exams, and thoughtful planning of career and of life overall," once upon a time I used to try to threaten myself... I used to feel embarrassed about the wild absurd ideas completely irrelevant to the syllabus, and to the path of my career, completely useless in current educational system and apparently irrational. I wanted to be a really good student, a scorer, topper, disciplined doing the homework on time, mugging up the details in books for writing in exams without getting bored, fitting perfectly in the norm, thinking within the square, fulfilling each and every criteria of a good student... a teacher pleaser, a parent pleaser, a people pleaser...

"Cats don't talk, they don't make friendships with dogs, there's no such river anywhere in the world that would heal every wound and make you immortal on having a dip into it, chocolates are made in factories, there are no trees that could have readymade chocolate candies as their fruits; heaven and hell are things in religious books, they are not traceable in real; carpets lack the shape, form and machinery that would enable them to fly," I used to attempt hindering my fantasy trips when I was a preschooler and when I was in primary school, it was long before my mind got occupied with fairies, witches, giants and aliens, Bermuda triangle, Maya culture, space life, alternate universe and parallel worlds... again I was wise enough to enforce myself to remember their non- existence... Why was that I couldn't focus on the facts and details given in syllabus books? Why was that I couldn't be a student that I should be...? Why was that in my night dreams I used to be (and that's the case today also, miserably) a worrier princes, an angel or a mad but successful scientist instead of being a gold medal winner? When exams occur in dreams, the dreams are inevitably nightmares! I grew up little bit and got captivated by mind, thoughts and their origins, consciousness, self awareness, free will, love, hatred, selfishness and altruism... "though we can attempt explaining some of them using findings in neuroscience, most of these are enigmas, unsolved things... not much useful in practical life," I tell myself hundreds of times, but alas, as usual, I'm not of my own... not an ideal student, not an ideal doctor, not an ideally practical person. I continue dreaming of my dream world, boundary free, rich, happy, healthy, curious, adorable world, getting governed by emotions of love and altruism, and by knowledge of facts without any ignorance.

Thinking of practical ways to achieve such impractical dreams unexceptionally leave me confused, fatigued, and above all embarrassed. Do I have some serious anomaly in my brain, some serious imbalance of neurotransmitters, excess or deficiency of some kind of neurotransmitter receptors, or is it the neural structure that is abnormal? I got from an article that having lesser latent inhibition in brain makes you to do such absurd things, makes you more creative, but it’s the same thing that’s found in psychoses... the only difference is the ability to detect the boundary between reality and the contents of the dreams. But the boundary is painful, it mocks you, reminds you of your absurdity every moment you see it. Before I would start dreaming of being completely psychotic and enjoying the heavenly pleasure of living in your dream while leaving in some asylum, I decided to write novels to quench my desire of creating a better world, my desire of creating special characters and living with them... a desire of solving mysteries of life. It does soothe me to some extent... but as my parents say, writing a novel is a useless job, having no practical implications, if you wish to create something new to this extent, create it in real (and as you lack the chances to do it, stop thinking about creating)!

But imagination or dreams are not that useless; I feel that today's dreams are foundations of tomorrow's real world... I've experienced certain incidents in life a long before they really happened; they won't believe in this but I know almost all of my best friends since more than a decade before I actually met them. It's like I dream about strangest things and they're out there in this world waiting for me; I don't search for them (thinking that they're absurd), yet they come to me hinting to me that dreams no matter however strange can come true... It's like as if dreams are predictions of mind about the future, about the chances of occurrence of some of the endless possibilities, or maybe they're just some wild constructions of semiconscious mind, and the world or destiny itself is equipped with such wild semiconscious mind.

Currently I'm stretching my limits, trying hard, moving heaven and earth to attain a balance between being impractical and practical at the same time, to believe in my dreams without ignoring what that is real, to allow my imagination to contribute in building the future world which I want to be a photocopy of my dream world...


  1. Have you read "The Interpretation of Dreams" by Sigmund Freud? Its a nice book.

  2. Not the book, but I've read about the book. Sigmund's ideas of unconscious mind governing the conscious mind are getting revitalized these days using fMRI studies.

  3. Hey Namrata
    Been buzzing around your blog for a while, i love all ypur posts and especially your style of conveying these deep thoughts.this post in particular, resonated with me the most. I identify myself as a 'dreamer' as i do believe dreams come true. Its not about being naive in a world full of instability and chaos, but dreams are thoughts, charged with passion and hope. Its a powerful thing when rightly executed. Every single thing we see around us was a thought first, the table, chair, the light bulb, these were thoughts. Someone thought about it enough to make it a reality. Such accomplishments are not possible if everyone is stuck in a repititive loop of mundane lives. It takes passion to draw the energy required to think something new andthen action required to ground it in reality. So my point is to simply emphasize how important our thoughts are, and how unique the perspectives, whichbirth those thoughts are. Never think of them as trivial, especially in the face of encounters with others who fail to recognise the potential of your personal dream.
    I love your ideas, and i enjoyed reading your posts and empathised with many of them. I suggest you read the book 'Dying to be me' by Anita Moorjani, i think you will like it a lot as many of your ideas, are similar to her. :) keep blogging, looking forward to reading more of your posts

    1. Hey thanks! Nice to meet someone who believes in dreams :) …
      I’m looking forward to read ‘Dying to be me'.