sorry dear restrictions, you can’t last

Nope… I can’t hold on; sorry dear restrictions, you can’t last.

Through years I had gathered you,

Spending my tears, and unfulfilled expectations

Shocks, cheatings and mediocrities…

It’s not that now I’m in heaven,

It’s not that I’ve won some big shot

The world is as it was before

Why shall I listen to my foolish heart…?

I don’t feel like queen of the world

It’s just me… but glad

It’s as if I stepped into some time machine

And I’m a curious happy child

The wounds, open and unhealed,

Marks by failures, and battle scars

They’re still here, but silent and numb

How are you fellows, have you lost your life?

The negativity, the pains

Doubts suspicions and useless efforts

Gifts by torture, and shocking past

I’m afraid… dear companions, we’re getting apart

Had thought of you as partners of life,

Binding me with shackles stronger than my mind

What happened, where is the bitterness?

Has your poison lost its taste?

What is it… some strange flower

Bathing my mind in sweet fragrance

Or is it some sort of blast

Giving energy to keep on?

I did nothing, it just happened

Decisions, actions and even beliefs

Beautiful, mediocre or even ugly ones

I know nothing is in our hand

I’m not immature to take pride

Still humble but thankful… don’t know why

Instead of weeping or being serious

What is it that’s making me to smile…?

It’s something… ah, I can’t define

Vague to the extreme, can’t see its form

Powerful, I can’t resist

Still trying to find what it is…

Searching for the reason, the cause the agent

Maybe it’s some feeble ray of hope

But it’s glittering with some strange light

Alas, can’t see a thing beyond the joy…

Wisdom surely has its place

Consciousness is surely not useless

Experiences are meant to teach

Every dream can’t be the truth…

Or maybe it’s an afterthought

Consciousness may just be a part

Incomplete, and insufficient

To understand the activities in mind’s heart

Getting tired in trying to interpret it

Whatever it is… I just can’t stop it

Can’t guess, can’t understand

Can’t decide, can’t even hold on

Here I give up, accept my defeat

Oh strange feeling, I lose you win…

Surrendering my wisdom and pains of ages

I live as I always have… but with a feeling of being alive

I’m alive, yes I am

The dull dead end seems to be gone

What is it making me so popular…,

Plenty of actions waiting to be carried out?

No serenity, no peace

The restlessness strikes again

I must do something

Here… I start feeling again

It’s as if the coma has ended,

So have the darkness, deafness and loneliness

I breathe and feel like breathing…

From where I got back my senses..?

I know it may not last

Joy can be followed by a depression attack

No brain… you’ve lost the charge

Now give up your skepticism and follow my heart