Saturday, April 3, 2010

Strange experiences as a stranger

I created this blog, few months ago to write my experiences as an intern, that’s what I was supposed to be since this February. But it didn’t happen at that time, and still it’s not happening. My internship is getting postponed constantly… as if it’s something special, as if it’s my wildest dream or as if it’s not supposed to be a normal happening.

And the cause of it is unknown, or at least I’m unaware of it. Maybe they’re choosing doctors who fit well into the system, who follow the traditional norms… who’re ideal medicos. Anything unknown foreign or unrelated like me is bound to evoke the ‘what is it’ response in them. It’s nothing but reaction to the stranger that’s what they display in my mark sheet. I fail to simulate or to mimic normal… alas, I’m not normal.

I’m a stranger here, I feel, or I feel strange here. I happen to be in a university where knowledge is contra indicated. I don’t like to repel the knowledge… and I shouldn’t repel this university for this’ the university I’ve to complete my MBBS at, and this’ the university which’s going to make me a doctor.

And this stresses me, to my breaking point… or breaks me many times. And I, like a broken wounded soul, keep on hovering around the same subjects again and again, willing to haunt this degree, this university, my college, haunted by the exam system… but not dying, immortalized because of my immortal dreams of being a scientist and do something for healing. But there isn’t a trace of human left in me, as if it has been vaporized or burnt or flee away from me. I’m just a plain living soul… or spirit, with no feelings except few hopes and extreme desire to reach my dreams. I’m nothing anything except my dreams.

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